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deliver
the child within your own flesh
will you ever stop the breathing?

cry to me
and tell me you are not fog
fuse with the air and begone thee

thus bleed you
the night knife naively hit
why does human kill itself, why?

brotherhood
for coexistance in here
´cause life goes on, ´cause life goes on
©2006-2010 ~cytricsilverlobo
:iconcytricsilverlobo:

Author's Comments

a fixed style i just thought on and i try to prove it... its a 3 7 8 poem syllabical and atonal... so please enjoy

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:#1:

Comments


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:iconsabata-kun:
Really awesome , this is my favourite piece by you .

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Don't worry guys it's all just 100% plastic
Judge not on appearence, but personality.
Purpose overides emotion.
Why do we believe or disbelieve that of which we cannot prove?
If God truly is our father I believe we should have called social services
:iconcytricsilverlobo:
^^; gee.... thanks... welll... in fact it was an improvisation... :D ^^;
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:#1:
:iconsabata-kun:
Most of my poems are also improvised (I make then up as I go along)

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Don't worry guys it's all just 100% plastic
Judge not on appearence, but personality.
Purpose overides emotion.
Why do we believe or disbelieve that of which we cannot prove?
If God truly is our father I believe we should have called social services
:iconcytricsilverlobo:
ohhhhh, i see... ok then, i shall imporvise a little more... sounds interesting
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:#1:
:iconearthheavenatmospher:
Oh, this is fantastic!

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Your wild lies
Always start with wide
White lines
Summer shine
You don't like the dark
Fringed by silver sea
Always brave and pert
Sunday sun, you're up...

~Goldfrapp :sun:
:iconsowhosethemonster:
i like the message. a lot. advanced critique? let me read it again...its really sad. i do like the way you worded it. its nice, it fits with the whole poem in general. the only thing i dont like has nothing to do with the actual poem...its the quote marks on the 'cause in the last line. i know its proper grammar, but being the freak that i am, i think these things look better when they're wrong. you dont have to change it. just getting it out there.

anyways, this is fabulous!

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i'm home
:iconcytricsilverlobo:
Heh ^^; yeah.... i got a problem with the grammar there and could make it in a sentence because syllables wouldn't fit..

Anyway... feedback is appreciated and thanks for the fave!!

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:#1:

Ninpou: ikiru no kaze

The big lie of American capitalism is that corporations work in their own best interests.
--- Neal Stephenson

Details

August 1, 2006
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