There is this bridge that crosses the streets
The mountain is dressed
Full of trees
I can see houses gaining terrain
With gorgeous emeralds
Nowhere place
Full-filling dreams with stolen places
put in forbidden ways
Left ones were
Because there is no property deed,
that the head's of them were
all cut off
Nor human lawyers in Nature's trial
sunk in stones to be told
by people
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This is a new style i just created
5 stanzas, 4 ways of reading the poem, 3 parts per stanza, 2 general points of view and 1 work Ways of reading the poem: 1) Whole as it is 2) First lines of each stanza 3) Second lines of each stanza 4) Third lines of each stanza The poem is measured by 9-6-3 (Some parts may change the numbers) And there are 2 points of view in the whole, guess what those are  And please comment, every feedback is appreciated |
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October 26, 2007
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Comments
The stanza placing is interesting, and the different ways to read it is very creative, though reading the whole poem gets a little confusing and slightly ill-placed. The 3rd and 6th lines don't seem to fit in very well with the 9th, 12th, and 15th, but it may just be the fact that I have a habit of reading it as a full sentence. And I think that's all I can say. You're a good poet.
--
"What do you do? You sit around and you bitch and you moan because things don't go your way. Well, you know what, kid? Welcome to the real world where, most of the time, things don't go your fucking way."
The reason of why does the 3 and 6 line don't fit with 9, 12, 15 lines might be because some words are omitted
Full of trees (is) Nowhere place, (because) Left ones were (the trees) all cut off by people .-. maybe that can help put the meaning of the poem ...
Anyway, thanks for noticing that fact that broke my head during 3 hours at least
--
---
Ninpou: ikiru no kaze
The big lie of American capitalism is that corporations work in their own best interests.
--- Neal Stephenson
--
"What do you do? You sit around and you bitch and you moan because things don't go your way. Well, you know what, kid? Welcome to the real world where, most of the time, things don't go your fucking way."
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