Join for FREE | Take the Tour Lost Password?
[x]

deviantART

 


There is this bridge that crosses the streets
The mountain is dressed
Full of trees

I can see houses gaining terrain
With gorgeous emeralds
Nowhere place

Full-filling dreams with stolen places
put in forbidden ways
Left ones were

Because there is no property deed,
that the head's of them were
all cut off

Nor human lawyers in Nature's trial
sunk in stones to be told
by people
©2007-2010 ~cytricsilverlobo
:iconcytricsilverlobo:

Author's Comments

This is a new style i just created

5 stanzas, 4 ways of reading the poem, 3 parts per stanza, 2 general points of view and 1 work

Ways of reading the poem:
1) Whole as it is
2) First lines of each stanza
3) Second lines of each stanza
4) Third lines of each stanza

The poem is measured by 9-6-3 (Some parts may change the numbers)

And there are 2 points of view in the whole, guess what those are :D

And please comment, every feedback is appreciated

Comments


love 0 0 joy 0 0 wow 0 0 mad 0 0 sad 0 0 fear 0 0 neutral 0 0
:iconmoonmage2000:
Um, I'm not very good at critiquing but let's see what I can spill out.
The stanza placing is interesting, and the different ways to read it is very creative, though reading the whole poem gets a little confusing and slightly ill-placed. The 3rd and 6th lines don't seem to fit in very well with the 9th, 12th, and 15th, but it may just be the fact that I have a habit of reading it as a full sentence. And I think that's all I can say. You're a good poet.

--
"What do you do? You sit around and you bitch and you moan because things don't go your way. Well, you know what, kid? Welcome to the real world where, most of the time, things don't go your fucking way."
:iconcytricsilverlobo:
Thanks :hug: ...
The reason of why does the 3 and 6 line don't fit with 9, 12, 15 lines might be because some words are omitted ^^; , so the phrase seems to be tacet because there are only 3 syllables per line :D, otherwise it would go something like:
Full of trees (is) Nowhere place, (because) Left ones were (the trees) all cut off by people .-. maybe that can help put the meaning of the poem ...
Anyway, thanks for noticing that fact that broke my head during 3 hours at least :D

--
---

:#1:

Ninpou: ikiru no kaze

The big lie of American capitalism is that corporations work in their own best interests.
--- Neal Stephenson
:iconmoonmage2000:
Oh, ok I get it now. And you're welcome.

--
"What do you do? You sit around and you bitch and you moan because things don't go your way. Well, you know what, kid? Welcome to the real world where, most of the time, things don't go your fucking way."

Details

October 26, 2007
596 bytes

Statistics

3
0
83 (0 today)
16 (0 today)

Site Map